My life was possibly out of control. Minus the possibly.

So I had a weird few months, and for the very first time in a long long time I am clean and sober, and bulimia free. I read a lot now, and I spend a lot of time with my older sister Emily.

I kinda fucked up alot recently, and I went to a mental hospital twice, and now I'm in drug rehab. I regret everything. For the longest time I thought I could only be cool by using drugs. WRONG.

I'm getting my life back together. Hopefully a year from now I'll be moving to a farm in Oregan with my sister. I'm starting over right now, but I hate going to the school I go to. I really just want to be free.

Oh and if anyone knows any random ways to make money they should let me know, because moving to Oregon is NOT going to be cheap. I have to buy a bed, other furniture, a laptop, and earn it all in a year.

I can do this.

I can't control my destiny...

Time is gone! My goodness! I've been so preoccupied with school and such! Scary how fast I'm growing up.


Three months....wow. I guess I'll just start listing changes! I stopped playing guitar, I started playing piano, I cut 10 inches of my hair, I went to the Homecoming dance, I've had a lot of crazy times with my friends, and most of all, I've begun figuring out who I AM.


Every day of our lives, we take for granted our sub-conscious and ignore the beauty of our natural instincts. Just stop once in a while and appreciate how phenomenal it is to really be ALIVE. There is nothing else like this experience of LIFE. People always get down because things don't go their way, but what they never realize is that all you need to succeed is to manifest your thoughts in positive ways. If you believe something will happen with your whole heart and soul, then it will happen because if you truly believe in something, then nobody can prevent you from realizing it. So go outside of your comfort zone to make a NEW comfort zone, visualize what it is that you want and life and MAKE IT HAPPEN.

Live life without regrets,
Hayley

I dig it when you have a smile on your face

Its been raining so much! I love it! My taste in weather is like my taste in food. I don't like anything extreme. 67 degrees with a light breeze and german keilka are my favorites! Keilka is actually an exremely unknown recipie to the public. So if you aren't a german menenite, then you probably don't know about it, but it is the greatest food known to mankind.

All you need is:

1 egg
1 cup of flour
1 ham slice
1 cup of sour cream
1 Tbsp. Veggie oil
Water

And then....
Mix the egg and flour into a dough, add water as needed to create a play-dough consistancy. Then cut (with clean scissors)the dough into a pot of boiling water, almond size pieces work best. Allow the "noodles" to cook for about 30 minutes or until they are cooked all the way through. While the noodles cook, put the oil in a frying pan and heat until bubbling. Then add the ham slice and cook to you liking. When the ham is done remove it from the pan but DO NOT dump out the oils left over. Mix the sour cream into the oils, and if needed add a little water but not much. The consistancy of the gravy should be slightly thinner than the sour cream. When the noodles are done pour the gravy over them and VOILA! You now have a under $10 meal!!

Lately I've been swimming a ton and doing lots of capoeira. Batizado is coming up, which is when you advance to your next capoeira cord (like karate belts sorta). I'm nervous but I think it'll go well, or I'll die, either one works! Wish me luck!

Hayley

52 Cartwheels

I woke up this morning with a ton of energy. Then I had 3 cups of coffee, now it feels like my blood is doing cartwheels! I've never been this full of energy! I wanna just go run a million miles! Today I'm heading off on an adventure with three of my friends, in which we will hopefully eat thai food, loiter in stores, and discover free soda cans!

Also, I found another really great band called Radical Face. They are a alternative/electric band but I've never heard anything else like them and I highly recommend listening to a few of their songs. And some good old Disney songs and show tunes, because they are incredibly fun to sing along with!

Before my summer is over I'm hoping to complete one BIG project, so if you have any cool ideas let me know, I'm feeling the need to start accomplishing things!

Don't drink too much coffee!

Hayyllleeeeeyyy!!!!!!!!!

It ain't me babe

Today....is one of my bad days. It's been so long since I've had one, and I forget how to handle it. If we put my life on rewind for 6 monthes I would've handled today by drinking a bottle of liquor or hurting my body. But now all of those things are sworn off because I'm trying so hard to become a new person. Its not that I don't like who I am now, I just am learning to love myself and am making some personal changes in my personality, and working on developing some of the traits I admire in people but cannot claim for myself, such as:

Acceptance
Alertness
Blissfullness
boldness
Calmness
Charm
Caring
Direction
Discipline
Faith
Fashion
Fidelity
Grace
Humility
Strength
Tranquility
Warmth

Through my journey of developing these traits, I hope to discover what it is that causes the good days and the bad days. Strength is probably the biggest obstacle to overcome, because I am very weak to my emotions. Even today was caused because I allowed my imagination to pair up with my emotions and lead me over a cliff. Luckily, listening to show tunes can help any girl feel like it will all be ok in the end.

Be spontaneous,
Hayley

Living in a fishbowl

These past few weeks have been packed, but I can't remember what they were packed with. There's swimming every morning and capoeira whenever I have time. I'm learning to play Stairway to Heaven. The TAB on that song is so freaking long! I'll never memorize it all!

So I've begun to try to think that we all have so little control over our lives that why don't we just live up the time we have. We each get about 70 good years of living, and why would you waste them on trying to achieve society's idea of perfection? People waste their entire lives on working and trying to get more material things. But if you have clothes on your back, food to eat, and a place to sleep, then you have everything that you need. From there on out it should all be about doing what makes you happiest!

And I can't wait to go to California!

Love,
Hayley

Ladies and Gentlemen, Physical Exercise!!

My summer has officially begun! And I am already sensing a trend. I exercise all day, socialize at night, and sleep whenever the opportunity presents itself. Since I am a natural born Coloradoan, I have a deep appreciation for hiking. So yesterday I hiked 2 miles, up 2000 feet, to a freezing cold lake, and jumped into it with only my underwear on! Yup, thats my idea of fun this summer. Tomorrow morning I'm leaving again to go hike the Spanish Peaks. They are 13,000ft mountains but because they are isolated from the rest of the Rocky Mountains, you have to hike up at least 7,000 feet to the summit. Whoop! Let the off-trail backpacking begin!

So here's another quick little thought. I do subscribe to any religion, but I do believe that there is a higher power. This idea was reinforced for me yesterday when I was eating watermelon. If you think about it, watermelons are such a strange fruit. They are green on the outside but when opened they offer a vibrant, red, sweet fruit inside! Its an incredible phenomenon in my opinion, and no amount of science can create anything like that!

Now I'm off to pack!

Peace, Love, and Sunshine,

HAYLEY(: